24 May 2009
The Unmentionables
“You remember Dr. Potts, don’t you?” said Jones to me yesterday over our toddy.
“To be sure I do; he sued me for a doctor’s bill. Do you think I ever forget that?”
“No, certainly not,” said Jones. “Well, did you ever hear why he was separated from his wife?”
“Yes; he beat her once.”
“But do you know what for?”
“No; I suppose he was jealous.”
“Not a bit of it. It was all about his breeches.”
“What—she wore them?” said I.
“No; she sent them to him one day at a lecture. It happened thus: You know old Potts was dismally eccentric. He was the most absent man in all New York, especially when called upon to pay anything. Well, he thought nothing of going without his dinner or his gloves. He was a very stingy man, and never had but one suit of clothes at the same time. However, meeting his tailor one day, he gave him an order for a new pair of breeehes, which were sent home unknown to the doctor’s wife. Having to lecture that morning, he put his new ones on, and left the old ones on his library chair. Soon after he had gone out, Mrs. Potts entered the library; she saw the breeches, and at onee concluded the doctor had gone to lecture ‘sans culottes.’ Putting the breeches up in a parcel, she, to prevent the possibility of a mistake, took it herself to the lecture-room; giving the parcel to the porter, she told the man to give it to the doctor immediately. She herself then went home. The doctor was lecturing to a fashionable assembly on the wonders of chemistry, when the parcel was put into his hand. As his wife was often in the habit of sending him diagrams, &c., which he left behind him, the doctor concluded this was something connected with his lecture, which he had forgotten. He therefore opened it before the audience, and to his astonishment and indignation, displayed to them all his cast off inexpressibles. The roar of laughter which followed, compelled him to coneclude his lecture immediately. Rushing out, he went home and beat his wife. Never interfere with your husband say I.”
